relationships

I realized that it's been a while that I have been single. Just after ending with someone in HS, I'm in another relationship in the beginning of college (now).

(even tho my goal is to not have a bf for the next 2 years until junior year...fail)

Someone special and someone who had the characteristics of someone I've been waiting for happened to like me back, so I can't let the chance slip away, right?

Although I'm happy and perfectly satisfied in the relationship, I wonder what I'm missing out for being single.

As much as you want to believe that you still have freedom when you're in a relationship, it's a trap.

#1Truth: You are limited and more refined when in a relationship than when you're single.

Reason: It's no longer about what YOU want as an individual, it's what YOU and HIM wants. Your decisions impacts not just YOU, but also HIM.

Overall: That's just a con but many pros completely outweigh the cons if you're with the right person. (if there's enough trust and love, freedom and restrictions shouldn't be an issue)

#2Truth: Don't LOOK and try so hard to find that special someone, because enjoy being single while you're single! When you're in a relationship, there's another layer of maturity that you need to be able to handle and not everyone's ready for it!

Reason: Unlike school, you HAVE to deal with the stress from school and mostly likely, school isn't an option, so you just have to deal with it. Well.....not relationships. YOU CHOOSE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. you're never forced into one. Since having a bf isn't a necessity, you can avoid the stress, conflicts, drama etc.

Overall: like all situations, there's give and take for all situations, and having a bf is just another give and take situation. there are PROS and CONS. you could be missing out on the experience of love and connection and trust and bond (did someone say physical attractions too?)

LIFE AS WE LIVE IT

-When you have pros, you will always have cons that follow.

-When you have best moments of you're life, you definitely have had some sort of depressing phase as well. Life is a hill and that's LIFE!

-It's okay! life is relative. you won't enjoy the happy moments as much if the sad moments didn't exist.

(stay tuned for more my life related topics...gain views and insights)

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a new years midnight/morning skype

a complicated friendship/relationship was followed by an intense conversation then making up...

A girl cannot wish for more from a guy than a touching prayer to realize how much he loves her.

[1/1/11 3:59:17 AM]

dear god

i speak to you tonight with my mind and my heart in this new year 2011...

everyday that continues on from this year forth will be memorable with her...she has not just given me a new way to see the world but gave me something i never had, something i always wanted for 18 years, love. Love that you speak of is and should be within everyone, and finally i have obtained it through, from, and for of her...

i shall not give up so easily without a fight or allow us to fall apart because of any small situations that will overcome us in the following time to come. And with your guidance and knowledge, guide us a way to obtain this. With your aid, my connection with her shall never be lost.

i believe that you can help to provide the needs in our time together. Nothing will break us apart so easily because your hand will hold us together. God, this year is the year that I and this girl will be together with our hearts intertwined today (on the first day of 2011) and everyday that moves on forth this year will our hands hold tighter with each other.

and God, tonight is the night that i realized a few things. these few things that we realize shall not impact our bond, because our bond cannot be broken, for it is like the metal rod that cannot be cut by scissors. God, from all this time that i have been with her, i realize more and more how much i appreciate her so that that i never want to forget or loose what i have with her because of any difficulty or hardship that might come in our way. Nothing shall destroy this. Nothing will ever break our love for one another and separate us. In god's name, Amen.

*lightly edited for grammar and audience purpose*

distributed love

the short version of two scenarios (names are all made up):

scenario 1: Alina has been dating Jeff for half a year now, but seems to have a few other options. As much as she loves him, there's desire for more guys. Maybe desire isn't the right word. She still feels the attraction from other guys pulling her towards them. And yes, the word them is plural. There are four other guys as options. How can that be possible?

How can her feelings be shared? Even when she loves Jeff to the point she would not do anything to risk their relationship, Alina's deep secret is that her heart is shared. Can a heart and love be shared and distributed to different departments? Maybe she's just crazy because that's unfair to all parties, maybe it's normal because there's always attractions for others even when a girl like her is in a relationship. In a situation like that, where do they head towards? A stable relationship, followed by marriage?

When I thought she was just being selfish for trying to have so many guys all to herself, another friend (Anna) told me her story which made me feel more understanding.

scenario 2: Anna is single (that status can complicate or simplify a lot of situations). She has a few options for guys and is definitely not in any mood to jump into a relationship. She takes her time and tests all of them. Each one of them has their unique personality traits and characteristics that attracts her. The attraction can't be stopped, that magnetic pull is just present whenever she hangs out with each of them, individually. All of them has the same power of force, but different kind of force.

For one guy, it may be physical attractions and that chemistry that's doing the talking.

For another guy, it is the caring and soft side that pulls her towards him.

For another guy, it's the ambition and humor that keeps her going back to him.

There is always pros and cons in all.

We must accept we are all humans.

People have strengths and weaknesses.

It is how each person's own preferences that weighs each person's pros and cons differently that determines whether or not that person is right.

China (summer 2010) video is UP on youtube.

i let go

Letting go isn't so hard once you get it, but too bad i haven't learned how.
I set your wings free, to fly to where you belong (or at least where you think you belong).
Summer is a dangerous time, summer hook ups are even more toxic than I had predicted.
I endured through things I never want to experience in my childhood life, but because of you, I had to deal with the puffy eyes from tears and stabs in the heart.

"I thought we're just friends since sophomore year, right?" If I said right, I would have been gone from you since.

I would have chose not to go to your house at night, not celebrate 9/29 anniversary even after sophomore year, not liked the Valentine's day present. I would have distanced myself from you before I get hurt from you.

I knew HS couples don't last until college, but at least I would think you would wait until college to find someone. It's dammnn right that there cant be such thing as best friends between a girl and guy, because the friendship is always being risked when one of them finds someone else to replace you.

Sometimes, you think of all guys in the same boat.
They cherish you when they have nobody else yet, and trashes you when they do. Because having one person by your side to care for you is better than none, right?

Love makes you smile, but love also forces tears.
Where there is any affection, there will be hurts.
Where there's the most love, the more easily it can turn into hate.
My heart bleeds as I set your wings and desires free. (in memory of 8/23)

elizabeth