distributed love

the short version of two scenarios (names are all made up):

scenario 1: Alina has been dating Jeff for half a year now, but seems to have a few other options. As much as she loves him, there's desire for more guys. Maybe desire isn't the right word. She still feels the attraction from other guys pulling her towards them. And yes, the word them is plural. There are four other guys as options. How can that be possible?

How can her feelings be shared? Even when she loves Jeff to the point she would not do anything to risk their relationship, Alina's deep secret is that her heart is shared. Can a heart and love be shared and distributed to different departments? Maybe she's just crazy because that's unfair to all parties, maybe it's normal because there's always attractions for others even when a girl like her is in a relationship. In a situation like that, where do they head towards? A stable relationship, followed by marriage?

When I thought she was just being selfish for trying to have so many guys all to herself, another friend (Anna) told me her story which made me feel more understanding.

scenario 2: Anna is single (that status can complicate or simplify a lot of situations). She has a few options for guys and is definitely not in any mood to jump into a relationship. She takes her time and tests all of them. Each one of them has their unique personality traits and characteristics that attracts her. The attraction can't be stopped, that magnetic pull is just present whenever she hangs out with each of them, individually. All of them has the same power of force, but different kind of force.

For one guy, it may be physical attractions and that chemistry that's doing the talking.

For another guy, it is the caring and soft side that pulls her towards him.

For another guy, it's the ambition and humor that keeps her going back to him.

There is always pros and cons in all.

We must accept we are all humans.

People have strengths and weaknesses.

It is how each person's own preferences that weighs each person's pros and cons differently that determines whether or not that person is right.

China (summer 2010) video is UP on youtube.

i let go

Letting go isn't so hard once you get it, but too bad i haven't learned how.
I set your wings free, to fly to where you belong (or at least where you think you belong).
Summer is a dangerous time, summer hook ups are even more toxic than I had predicted.
I endured through things I never want to experience in my childhood life, but because of you, I had to deal with the puffy eyes from tears and stabs in the heart.

"I thought we're just friends since sophomore year, right?" If I said right, I would have been gone from you since.

I would have chose not to go to your house at night, not celebrate 9/29 anniversary even after sophomore year, not liked the Valentine's day present. I would have distanced myself from you before I get hurt from you.

I knew HS couples don't last until college, but at least I would think you would wait until college to find someone. It's dammnn right that there cant be such thing as best friends between a girl and guy, because the friendship is always being risked when one of them finds someone else to replace you.

Sometimes, you think of all guys in the same boat.
They cherish you when they have nobody else yet, and trashes you when they do. Because having one person by your side to care for you is better than none, right?

Love makes you smile, but love also forces tears.
Where there is any affection, there will be hurts.
Where there's the most love, the more easily it can turn into hate.
My heart bleeds as I set your wings and desires free. (in memory of 8/23)

elizabeth

wrong way to ask stranger out

So I was in the soy sauce section in the supermarket, (thank god my mom was at another isle somewhere) minding my own business, searching for that item I have pictured in mind.

Random asian guy comes up next to me.

 I didn't even notice him until he said, "Hey whats up?"

I took a look at him, thought he was being friendly. "Hey. Not much."

Right away w/ no hesitation, already planned out, he said, "So you wanna hang out sometime?"

Never had anyone approach me like that. rly? seriously? wow. i said, "nah." 

then he just walked away without another word. 

This all happened in 15 seconds. THAT was a weird and awkward moment of my day. How much more sketchy and creepy can you get? Has certain guys get so desperate and unoriginal? I want to go inside his head and literally try to step in his shoe and understand what he had in mind. Would any girl fall for that? 

..........................

The reason that I was in the chinese supermarket today with my mom was bcs....

We made SUSHI for! yummmm. All types of varieties of sushi (all w/ cooked things cuz i hate raw meat) and Vietnamese noodle rolls. yummm. 

latest i've ever stayed up

Woo! Done w/ graduation!

Bugaboo creek steakhouse for 5 pm dinner. (super yummy!)

Chilled w/ friends-rented 30 days of Night

Horrible suggestion from the worker at the rental. Not a horror at all. Changed my whole view of beautiful twilight vampires cuz vampires in there were ugly and horrible. I would rather think of everything in a more beautiful way. 

Haven't played cards in forever! finally done w/ everything. time to chill. 

-big 2 (its an asian game. too lazy to explain)

-spoon (substituted pencils for spoons, so technically we played pencils)

-James Bond (match each piles into the same number by trading w/ middle of pile)

-drug lord (cards in middle, every1 gets one. Jacks and Queens=regular ppl. King=cop. Ace=drug lord. Ppl stare at each other and Ace person secretly winks at one other person. King tries to find out who drug lord is. its so fun! ha) i might do a vid on it ha

-BS (we all know this game)

(5 am now)

Another movie time! Couples Retreat. like 10 min into the movie.

...the 3 other friends all like falling asleep. 20 min into it (before they go on the island), I turn around and they're asleep. I got woken up (woken up? is that correct spelling) by a Tim*'s snore/cough, then I woke up Paula*. 

Until 7:42 am ish, I felt pretty awake (singing to airplanes and lady gaga on the radio) but i actually fell asleep and woke up at 3 pm. ay yeay ay am I too old to pull an all nighter already? 

*all names have been changed for privacy purposes*

drama on the road!

In the car, Paula driving (me and Tim in the car). This cab behind us was crossing the lane to our side so abruptly, almost hit our car's butt. You know driver's rage-->Paula got so pissed right then, just swearing quietly in a joking way. Tim (sitting in the driver's seat) got pissed too, what kinda driver is sitting in that cab? (that driver also honked mad times too, really?)

Tim yelled: "watch it buddy!" (cab still behind us)

The cab drove to the lane next to our right, now we're window to window. 

Cab driver: "F*ck u" (wow that rly got Tim pissed, he got the guts to do that?)

Tim now sticking up his middle finger, "get a real job" (ouch that really got him)

phew that conversation is over. and cab was still on the lane to the right but now behind us, slowing down bcs of traffic and the red light. 

O man, he caught up again, now same distance as before. window to window. awkward and both cars were filled with anger and rage. 

cab driver: "huh! u think its funny" in a ugly tone

Tim: "go eat your curry"  (hard to understand what he was saying bcs of his accent)

cab driver: "what?! u having fun? huh!?! u think ur funny" in an even higher voice. 

at that moment, i wasnt even quiet sure what he was saying. 1st experience like that. i mean i was afraid, but something like this had never happened. i actually got my seatbelt fastened. then again, what could he do? stop in the middle of the road/highway and argue with us? 

here's the highlight: he drove in the same lane as us, in the front. (literally, right in front of our car) now, im like holy sh*t....

the cab driver stepped on the brake for a second and kept going. but on the small highway, we could have almost hit his car! 

Paula: "what?! he want us to hit his car?" 

we were no longer going in the same direction anymore, but that was an interesting night (well 5 minutes) in the car. 

When I'm a driver, would I get that kind of rage too? Is it just like pouring more oil on fire when both sides are verbally hitting each other? In a situation like that, the one to step down would make the other feel more superior. There doesn't seem like there's a clear and smart solution in sight.